I Left my Heart in Lansing

This week I started my internship back up in Lansing. (I have to finish my internship from this summer.) While I was driving back to North Branch, I started to get a little teary eyed...

When I first came to MSU, I was a girl who's life consisted of sports, good grades, and friends. Being at school with major athletes, geniuses, and 45,000 strange people, took what consumed my life and left me feeling lonely and unsure of the person I was. So what did I do? I fled to home where I could still be the person I was, without having to change. Change is scary, to anyone, but especially to me at that point in my life. I wanted things to stay the same for as long as possible.

It probably took me about a half of year at MSU to realize that it wasn't all bad. The campus was beautiful in fall, winter (even though its long), and spring, and the people at school were great! So instead of going home I stayed at school, and slowly I suppose I began to change. 

You have to know that before school, I had absolutely no insight into myself. My life had a shallow meaning and presence. I had no deep knowledge of why I did the things I did? Or why I was the way I was? It was only through people, long talks, and crazy life experiences that I discovered these things. 

I am definitely an extrovert and a feeler with a crazy spontaneity that a six year old would marvel at. But I think the most important thing I learned is that I am this, freely in Christ, whose grace gets me through every second of everyday, and whose blood was shed for me so thatI am clean. And I also learned that God does all things for my good, and in this crazy mess of life I can see the beauty of what he is teaching me, how he is molding me. 

And I feel sad because I learned it all in Lansing. The place that scared me so much, started to feel like home. Once a place feels like home, I guess you start dreaming about your life in that place. Without realizing it, I dreamed of living there with Elliott as we started are life together. I dreamed of living in a crappy apartment, working two jobs while El went to college, continuing to go to URC, of eventually or probably accidentally starting a family there. It was a dream I did not really know I had until I drove away from it. My dream shattered...

Sad, but I am glad I am back in a town that is so supportive and loving. In a familiar place where I can try to pick up the shards of a broken dream and glue them back together. I trust that God has my future and it is beautiful and good.  

Blessed

Even though positive status day was a while ago, I still feel the need to say how blessed I am by our communities both in North Branch and Lansing. I have been going through James and came upon this verse: Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17 ESV). I know that God has given us these blessings through all of you, and I just want to say thank you! I am so greatful to have each and everyone of you in our lives.

Here's a few ways that I have felt blessed in the past couple of weeks:

The two weeks after chemo, we got to stay at one of Elliott's neighbors houses. It is right in the middle of the woods and on a beautiful, secluded lake. It was so nice to be alone, and actually feel like we were married. During our time, we got to just chill and relax from wedding craziness and the week of chemo. Here is some pics from the house we stayed at: 

It was beautiful. Thank you so much Beanie for letting us stay there while you were away. We are so thankful. 

Beans at Beanies...that is a little pun

Anyway, two Saturdays ago there was a soccer tournament benefit put on for Elliott. Cody and Kayla, two friends of Elliott and I put it on for us. Even though it was only planned in a week, the whole community showed up to support us. I was so glad Elliott and I got to go for the last bit of the tournament. We were truly touched and felt so loved an cared for by everyone. Thank you everyone who helped! I know it took a lot of work from organizing the teams to the Chinese auction to concessions! Thank you! We are so blessed to live in the community that we do! 

              The tournament board

               Fun team T-shirts 

   Shirts that were sold at the tournament 

All the helpers and more I am guessing

                           Soccer

Another thing I am thankful for is my URC  (University Reformed Church), SCF (Spartan Christian Fellowship), and Lansing family. Two Sundays ago I went to a prayer service at URC for Elliott and for another man in the church who has cancer as well. Elliott couldn't come because his immunity was low. They prayed for El and I, and I just felt so loved and cared for by them. I could feel their prayers. I am so blessed by all of you and I love you all! Words can't even explain. God truly blessed me when he led me to URC. 

Last but not least I am thankful for all the work people have been doing all the work on our house. I am so greatful!!! (Sorry I don't have any pics at the moment)

New hair, don't care

While I was at MSU, I took a East Asian Religions class. One of the few things that stuck with me was the interesting rights of passage that teenage boys and girls would have to participate in before they were considered a man or woman of their tribe. In a tribe I did not know the name of, a teenage boy would have to pull out every single strand of hair on his head before he was considered a man. (Although looking it up I couldn't find the name of the tribe, but I am fairly positive I learned this). Anyway why am I explaining this small bit of knowledge with you? Well my friends it is because my husband, in the eyes of that tribe, became a man yesterday.

(Not to worry folks. This is a natural process that occurs during chemotherapy. Chemotherapy kills all rapidly dividing cells and hair growth stops completely. It was just a bit dramatic because El had so much hair, and it all came out pretty fast. He didn't exactly pull it out it just fell out.)


Elliott a few days before with his hair


Shedding all over his pillow.



Using my brush to take out the hair that was hanging by a thread.


All his pretty hair :( that he took out of the trash and chased me around with it....sick but he thought it was funny.


The finished project.

I think he started to miss it a little bit.


Because he tried to make a wig.



Then a beard



Then decided to keep it :)

The funny thing was that he had a hair cut scheduled for later on the day. But by that time there was nothing left to cut. It was funny for both Elliott and me. Hopefully the rest of this week can be as fun as this :)

Chemo week

I forgot to mention that in the emergency room I got to tell someone my new name, and I got to see it in print. That was exciting.




Anyway that night and the week after we stayed at the Williamson's house which is such a blessing. It is great to stay in a house and not a hotel. Thanks guys :)

So Elliott's chemo is on a three week rotation. He does chemo the first week and then has a two week break. He goes Monday through Friday for about 8 hours a day. They are VERY long days.

But at the beginning of the week when El wasn't so tired we managed to have a bit of fun.



El after his port got flushed



El acting silly from his pain meds.



Eating in the Med Inn

By the end of the week things get tougher. Elliott gets more and more tired, and you realize how little control you have over the situation. That all you can really do is pray that El gets better, and that Christ will be glorified. This situation and the illness is entirely in God's hands and not my own. So when I am worrying, I try to rest on this truth.